Just so we’re on the same page (pun?!), here is an outline of what we expect from you on a day to day basis.
TIMELY. If you’re going to show up an hour or two late every day, you should look for employment elsewhere. Expect to come into work on time every single day.
MILKING THE CLOCK. So you come into work, clock in, and immediately go to the bathroom to do your hair and makeup, expect to be clocked out and written up.
RESPECT. You will respect other employees, managers, and customers alike. Harassment (sexual or otherwise) will not be tolerated.
AUTHORITY. If you are asked to do something by your manager, just do it. Don’t cry about it or you’ll be getting a Johnny Depp tear tattoo in the office (wait, is that a punishment or reward?).
CLEANLINESS. If you stink, have dirt caked onto your fingernails, or are otherwise not fit to work, you will not be allowed back until you have cleaned up.
THEFT. We’re pretty generous, so if you feel the need to steal something, that’s on you and we just might press charges if we’re pissed enough.
DISCOUNTS. Your friends and family do not get huge discounts because they come in. No, really. You receive some pretty cool stuff for working here, and maybe your manager is feeling generous and will let you snag them the uniform discount. However, don’t expect it.
Basically, everything comes down to one really important thing: COMMUNICATION. Going to be an hour late because your babysitter was late? Call us. Don’t just roll in here expecting everything to be cool. Can’t come in because you ate some bad Chinese food last night and it’s all coming back up? Just call. Don’t just not come in! Need to bail early because your mother was rushed to the ER? Let us know! We want the best for you as a person, we really do. All we ask for is communication. We will work with you to the best of our abilities. Life can throw some pretty terrible lemons, sometimes you feel like Cutler Beckett and the HMS Endeavor. All we ask is that you keep lines of communication open.